#50 Find the App of Your Dreams

apps-header-2Looking for the perfect app isn’t that far removed, I suspect, from finding the ideal partner on a dating website.

A lot of trial and error, then just when you think you’ve struck gold, a flaw is found that’s significant enough to lead you to think, ‘No, you’re not the app for me.’  But the search can be fun, and you get to go on lots of app dates as you try and:

#50 Find the App of Your Dreams

I came to the app dating scene quite late. The truth is, in the early days, I didn’t understand what an app was for and why I’d need one, and I dreaded the thought of investing in something that turned out to be a dud. But when I discovered that heaps of apps are free, and that a pointless app or even a less than perfect one can be banished, no questions asked, by applying a little pressure to its logo before giving it the Flick! from your screen, I turned into a serial app dater. And unlike partner interactions, it’s okay to keep several of them on the go simultaneously, toying with them and using them only as long as they remain useful.

So here’s a run down of some that I’ve tested.

instagram-logoINSTAGRAM

A young friend told me Instagram was essential, though I was reluctant to give it a try, due in part to attending a filmmaking course once where the teacher kept interrupting the session to say “I’ll just put this on my Instagram feed.” Already I’d judged it a tad narcissistic, endlessly gazing into the mirror with admiration and pride at its own reflection.

Then I came across this Instagram post about a breakfast prepared by a famous chef for his young daughter:

insta-prat

I LOVE breakfasts, but as John McEnroe might have said “You cannot be SERIOUS!”

How could I join in the Instagram game and keep a straight face? Time to Flick! this one.


So I moved onto

pinterest-logo

PINTEREST

I’ve had this one for a while now, but to be honest, apart from being a mild diversion during times of boredom, I’m not sure that it does anything useful. Maybe I don’t understand it well enough, but I’m finding it a bit repetitive. How many times do I need to see a cute puppy? I’m tempted to give it the Flick! toobut then again, I’m a sucker for cute puppies…


shazam-logo

SHAZAM

Who hasn’t heard a piece of music they love and wanted to identify it? If so, Shazam may be the app for you, but be prepared for disappointment. Without doubt, it will let you down one day.

By the time you’ve opened the app, clicked on the start button and waited for it to ‘hear’ the music, it will tell you “we didn’t quite catch that. Please get closer to the sound and try again”, the music will have stopped and you’ve missed your chance. I call it the Sloth app. Too slow to be considered the dreamboat you’re after.


cluckar-logo

CluckAR

This is Choice’s clever little app that tells you, after you photograph the carton, if the eggs are truly free range. But as I can hear them being laid in my back garden, it’s not quite the one for me, though I’ve talked it up to my friends suggesting it may be a real keeper.


vivino-logo

VIVINO

This app’s very impressive. Ever walked into a bottle shop and been overwhelmed with choice? Just photograph the wine’s label and receive instant feedback on its rating.

vivino-1

In my dreams….

They’ve added an even more impressive feature lately – listing the best wines available in a certain price range.

vivino-2

 Too easy

Bit worried spending too much time with this one might lead me down the path to alcoholism, though….


snap-send-solve-logo

SNAP SEND SOLVE

Finally, an app that sits slap bang in my demographic. An app whose logo tells me EXACTLY what it does, so I don’t have to look at it and think “What’s this one for again?” But even better, one that has the word SOLVE in its name.

Have you seen something in your local area you’d like fixed? All you need to do with this app is snap a photo of the problem, send it to the relevant authority from the list it provides and sit back and wait for it to be solved.  Probably too good to be true, I thought, but worth a try.

Crossing a small footbridge recently with the dog, I discovered loose, rotting boards underfoot crying out to be repaired before they gave way and injured someone.

dog-on-bridge

But I was in a hurry and didn’t have time to send the photos off that day, so I returned shortly after to verify the address for council, only to discover:
fixed-bridge

THEY’D READ MY MIND AND FIXED THE BRIDGE ALREADY!!

This app was definitely looking too good to be true.

So shortly after this spooky event, the aforementioned dog was being walked in a dog-off-leash park adjacent to a fenced children’s playground when he found a space beneath the bars and shot inside. This wasn’t good. It took some coaxing for him to return…

dog-returns

Time to test the app for real, so I fired off the photos with this message:

snap-complaint-2

I kid you not, three days later I received a call from council to explain that although fencing in children’s playgrounds is strictly controlled by a number of inflexible by-laws that prevents netting being added, they’d work on a solution.

The very next day, here’s what I found:

dog-block-2

Try getting through that, Ziggy!

I’m smitten.

Of all the apps I’ve spent time with, this might just be THE ONE.

#49 Enjoy a Leisurely Breakfast (every day)

There are breakfast people and then there are others. 

Others need coffee to coax them into consciousness and consider breakfast a take-it-or-leave-it proposition, at least until mid morning. But we breakfast people spring out of bed alert, alive and raring for a three-course meal. And the greatest gift retirement gives us is the ability to

#49 Enjoy a Leisurely Breakfast – every single day

I always found getting to work on time played havoc with achieving this goal. With so many other tasks demanding attention in the morning, squeezing in the full feast was often a challenge and sometimes I’d have to limit myself to two hurried courses or even – quelle horreur – a mere one course.

And don’t get me started on those ‘breakfast’ work meetings that promised the world but delivered a balancing act involving a plastic tub of faux-flavoured yoghurt and a cold, dead croissant.

So turning breakfast into an extended art form has been one of my greatest pleasures these last few years.

It begins with an introductory bowl of muesli (Coconut, Almond and Maple flavour *) with blueberries and yoghurt enjoyed in the garden, before moving onto the main event.

cereal-in-garden* ‘No added Sugar, High in Whole Grains’ – or so they say

Then … Choices, choices.

Eggs! How do I love thee? Let me count the ways…

•Eggs Florentine

No longer restricted to restaurants, Eggs Florentine enjoyed for breakfast whenever are the new black, and they don’t take too long to prepare.

Okay, making Hollandaise sauce for one person can be a tad labour/butter/egg intensive, but after much pleasurable testing, I’ve decided Maille, the French brand, is an excellent approximation. So it’s now a staple in the pantry.

sauce

My supermarket even sends me an email when it’s on special! 

In a mere 10 minutes, you can have this…

eggs-florentine

Beats me how some people don’t want breakfast

•Coddled eggs

Coddled eggs are having a resurgence, and I can understand why after a friend recently gave me this lovely little coddler in exchange for supplies of small, 40 gm eggs laid by my older chickens. She needs that size to fit into the delicate little porcelain containers.

Who’d have predicted even hens are upsizing these days?

Coddling is a gentle way to soft-boil an egg by simmering it before eating straight from the coddler with toasted soldiers. No fear of the dreaded shell-chips contamination.

Butter the coddler, slide in the egg, add any other ingredients you want to spice up the experience like the cheese and spring onions I used here, screw the lid on firmly, then simmer for 6 or 7 minutes…

coddling-sequence

                                           (while making your pot of tea)

…and enjoy.

You may have noticed that the coddler pictured here has a slightly different pattern to the coddler my friend gave me (above).

Yes, I’m turning into a coddler collector already.

•Eggs any other way

Omeletted, scrambled, pancaked, fried, baked with beans, in a bun with bacon and relish, frittered. Oh, I could go on…


But for the non-egg lovers, there are, of course

•Other options

Like Danish pastry, toast with an assortment of toppings, crispy, hot croissants with fillings and of course, muffins…

muffins

But if you really want to go restaurant style, there’s always

•Grilled Haloumi with Cherry Tomatoes and Smashed Avo on Toasted Walnut bread

My sister first prepared this for me a few years ago when I was recuperating from surgery and it tasted magnificent. It’s stood the test of time so its appeal wasn’t just because I was craving comfort and it was great having someone look after me.

breakfast-in-garden-2


Finally, top off the most important meal of the day with a whizzed up drink made of – well, whatever you want really, but here’s one with cashews, coconut water, prunes, yoghurt and cinnamon.

Just like a delicious milkshake…

milkshake

(…only thinner)

A picture is beginning to emerge, isn’t it?

A breakfast with NO limits, NO time constraints and, if you’re happy to make it yourself, minimal financial cost.

Could retirement get better than this?

 

#48 Mess About in Boats

It wasn’t until Form One (as Year Seven was called back then) that I was introduced to the magical world of boating.

This was courtesy of Kenneth Grahame’s engaging tale of the adventures of Ratty and Mole, Badger and Toad in The Wind in the Willows.

Who wouldn’t be seduced by Ratty’s pronouncement in the very first chapter?

quote-messing-about

Alas, I was growing up in a bitterly cold, inland city without a beach or river to its name, nurtured by loving parents who… well… you couldn’t call them outdoor types. (This may explain why, on my first-ever camping trip at age 22, I had no idea that you didn’t pitch your tent in a cosy hollow under a gum tree. Especially without checking for the possibility of torrential rain during the night.) So my love of boating was entirely imaginary for many years.

What better time to change all that now though, and live the dream. A chance to…

#48 Mess About in Boats

Ratty was spot on – it’s so worth doing.

Boats, of course, come in all shapes and sizes. And degrees of safety.

There was that disastrous early experiment with three friends, when we were sent down a raging Murray River in two canoes, on our own, by the Dodgy Brothers’ Hire-a-Risky-Boat Adventures. 

Thanks to life jackets and expert recreational kayakers who raced across to pluck us from the water as we parted ways with our canoes and careened towards South Australia, I lived to brave the river again one late afternoon as dusk was falling. But this time, it was in the back of a canoe with a World Champion/Murray River Marathon winner doing all the hard work in the front seat. Bliss!

Racing down the Murray and up Wodonga Creek taking curves at breakneck speed with an expert guide is truly exciting, even though he mistakenly thought he could further spook me with a diversion past a bat colony.

bats-ahoy

Amazing. Flying mammals! What’s not to like…?


If Scandi Noir is the mood you’re after though, then messing about in a boat at New Zealand’s Doubtful Sound is just the ticket. All dark and brooding and ominous. No wonder James Cook was doubtful it was navigable when he named it.

nz36-nov-11

You could well be at the end of the earth. Oh, hang on a minute…

Even the silhouette of a travelling companion takes on a sinister hue in this part of the world.

nz38-nov-11


Exploring in a boat means you can get up close and personal with all manner of wildlife.

Spot seals sunning themselves,

seals

Or water birds doing a picturesque pose694

…in splendid isolation


But you don’t have to travel miles away from home to find a relaxing boating experience.

The Sienna Daisy is a new cruise boat purpose built for the Murray River right here in Albury. No more worries of a river too low to support the mechanism of cumbersome paddle steamers, romantic though they may be.

sienna-daisy

Take a 60 or 90-minute scheduled river cruise or book a private function. Include the Captain’s Lunch of a BBQ and salads if you want and complement this with a glass of wine.  All your worries will disappear into the water as you float along, caressed by the gentle movement and sense of escape.

And If you’ve ever wondered why Noreuil Park has such an unpronounceable name, you can find that out, too.

I could have boated all day…

monument-from-river

and just a stone’s throw from home…


No doubt about it, messing about in boats is the bees knees.

I wonder if it’s too late to consider buying my own boat? Of course, I’d have to get a bigger car, too  – with a tow bar  – and a boat trailer. And learn how to reverse them all down a narrow driveway and a slippery ramp without jack-knifing. Is that do-able for a post-adult woman, I wonder?

Because I can’t help thinking that being the skipper of your own boat would make you feel like a Master of The Universe.

1-charlie-at-the-wheel

Wouldn’t you agree, Charlie…?

#47 Revel in a Post-adult Period

It used to be that adding the prefix ‘Post’ to any word meant ‘after’. Think ‘post meridiem’ for after noon and ‘post mortem’ for after death.

But then along came postmodernism and suddenly, that harmless prefix took on a deeper meaning. Sure, postmodernism came after modernism, but it came with its own definition too, that is, epistemological and moral relativism, and pluralism. These are apparently rejections of the old-fashioned tenets of modernism like rationality, absolute truth and progress.

And I ask you, is there anything more embarrassing than being caught with ideas that pre-date postmodernism?

So when I heard last week that the Oxford dictionary now includes the term post-truth to mean not lies, but the irrelevance of factual rebuttals in preference to emotion and personal beliefs, it awoke in me a freedom I didn’t realise I was craving. The freedom to:

#47 Revel in a Post-adult Period 

The Post-adult period is the time after your responsible adult years have passed but it also confers an additional meaning whereby you can take on any behaviour or habits you want.

As to exactly when this commences, it begins the day you realise you’ve lost your relevance to society. That moment of shock on hearing or reading in the news that an ‘elderly [insert-your-own-age] woman was today found …’.

When they use adjectives like ‘elderly’, ‘old’ or ‘senior’ to describe people like you, it’s time to fight back in the best way possible. Become a card-carrying member of the Post-adult period and revel in it.

So here’s my list of pleasures that those of us celebrating this special time may now embrace for the rest of our lives. Do feel free to add others.

After all, we’ve earned it.

*Avoid anything that doesn’t give you consummate pleasure.

I’m thinking activities like having a job. Or sitting through a meeting that has minutes and an agenda. Or ploughing on with a book that you realise, by page 20, is boring you witless. Or watching a silly film to the very end.

screenshot-2016-11-22-12-33-16No offence if you loved these, but I might have a mere 30 years left on earth…


*Have a snack immediately before dinner, even if it spoils your appetite. Especially if it spoils your appetite.

Longing for some paté on toast in the late afternoon? Go for it! Can’t resist a whole bowl of guacamole and corn chips at 7.00pm? Be my guest. You’re in your post-adult years. You get to set the rules.


*Discover wicked new tastes you love – and take them up with gusto.

I recently tried fried pancetta as an alternative to bacon. It’s magnificent. Why didn’t I know about its crispy deliciousness before now?

Have an egg and pancetta roll instead. Or try it with tomato on toasted ciabatta:

pancetta-and-toms-on-toast

…yum


*Replace bad things with alternatives (that might be worse)


Are you over margarine and the whole worried-about-your-cholesterol chorus? Longing for some cholesterol-rich food? Switch to butter and store it in a stylish dish on your bench top so it’s always available and always spreadable.

butter

Butter’s natural, tastes marvellous and chances are scientists will discover in the not-too-distant future that it has life-prolonging properties. Just like they’ve now realised that toddlers who drink full-fat milk end up slimmer than those given low fat milk.

And take honey. It’s natural too, but for some reason I’ve always found the flavour a little … disappointing. Then I remembered something that tastes the way I’d wanted honey to taste but doesn’t involve any part of it being transported on the legs of insects.

I’m talking Maple Syrup. Now available in BIG, BEAUTIFUL one litre jars, especially for Post-adults.

maple-syrup

…and it always flow smoothly, even in winter


*Use buttermilk in recipes

I know, buttermilk sounds evil; probably is evil.

Deliciously evil in pancakes making then fluffy and puffy and soft:

buttermilk-pancakes

And you’re right. That’s not honey.

Tenderly evil as a marinade for chicken or pork, such as when making your own version of ‘fried chicken with 11 secret herbs and spices’ at home.

chicken-recipe

 

 

kfc

almost as good as you-know-what…


*Play with fire

Like running wth scissors, playing with dangerous equipment is also on the agenda in Post-adult years.

fire-2

 

So if you’ve always had a hankering for creme brûlée with that lovely crunchy toffee topping, now’s the time. Blast away to your heart’s content. No-one will tell you to be careful.

creme-brulee


*Outsource the stuff you don’t like doing.

Post-adults can outsource anything they don’t like.

Here’s why: if you read that ‘an elderly [insert-your-own-age] woman was today found scrubbing the floors’ you’d rightly feel sorry for her. She shouldn’t have to do that any more, poor old thing. So vacuuming, washing floors, cleaning bathrooms and whipper-snipping are out and no-one will think less of you.

But if you say coyly, ‘I like to keep active,’ you’re able to continue using the electric lawnmower, (such fun), gardening (no digging expected), cooking (no catering for more than two; four tops) and exercising the dog (but never undertaking a ‘fun-run’).

And as for the front yard makeover you’ve been thinking of doing yourself for years and years, forget it. Once you hit Post-adulthood, just ask friends who’s the best-priced paver in town (never spend hours organising quotes yourself – only adults do that) and the recommended one will do a far better job than you could ever have achieved.

img_2297


There’s only one caveat to life in the Post-adult lane.

All things in moderation.

Except maybe chocolate…

 

 

 

 

 

 

#46 Learn How to ‘Nest’

It had never crossed my mind, until recently, that all the wonderful artefacts you see in museums and galleries need some sort of ‘holiday home’ where they can rest in safety when they take a break from being on display.

Not having owned an array of precious art works and therefore never having had a need to store them off season, I would have assumed, had I contemplated the issue, that galleries had enormous storage rooms where, in their down time, the treasures sat on shelves behind glass, a bit like a mirror image of their upstairs life, on ‘display’ but seen by no-one, until they’re let out again to be admired.

Where do you go to, my lovelies, when you’re out of favour?

But following a further stint volunteering at our local galley/art museum, MAMA, I’ve now discovered where they’re all stored. And I’ve been lucky enough to assist there, wearing white cotton gloves as I work in a locked room behind another locked room, where no sunlight ever penetrates, sealing their fate.

Yes, I’ve been permitted to enter the hallowed, temperature controlled bowels of MAMA to

#45 Learn how to ‘Nest’

It turns out that each individual item needs its own special box into which to snuggle down, cosseted in folds of exclusive wrapping material and buried in foam that’s been carefully sculpted to match its shape such that when it’s all packaged up, even an earthquake couldn’t damage it.

This is called ‘nesting’ and if you loved messing about with scissors, glue guns, paper, box cutters and firm craft foam when you were young, have I got the job for you.

So…

We start with the item/s needing a holiday:

metadisc-on-stand-1

Metal disc (and stand) with $1 coin for perspective, waiting for their nest

Cut, sculpt and paste very special black foam, known only to the cognoscenti, into the shapes you need to closely fit the items:

cutting-foam

Then cover this foam in a protective, spun bonded material known as Tyvek ® and attach it using your glue gun.

glue-gunning-2

Tacking pins can help with this sometimes tricky procedure:

pinning

If your shapes and sculpting, and wrapping and glueing have all been calculated correctly, the covered foam will look like this:

metal-disc-and-stand-nest

And your precious items will fit like a glove:

metal-disc-and-stand-in-nest

All that’s needed is to slip this into the plastic box that you’ve previously chosen for its snug fit, place a layer of protection on top so it forms a seal under the lid, like this…

metal-disc-and-stand-2

And voila!

final-metal-disc-and-stand-nested

Nest in peace safely, my little treasure…

Once nesting small items has been mastered, you can move onto much larger ones.

scary-mask

…scarier, too

The principles are the same, though.

From this…

mask-being-fitted

via this…

to this…

mask-nested-3

then this…

mask-nested-4

To final, sealed, resting place…

mask-nested-5


There is a downside to learning how to nest, though.

I discovered this by accident after reading a recent newspaper article, with photos, about the return to Egypt of plundered sarcophagus covers dating back to the time of the Pharaohs.

antiquities-returned

Rather than focussing on the amazing, plaster-coated wooden sarcophagus decorated with hieroglyphics and brilliant illustrations, and rather than marvelling that something dating back to 3000 BC was still in existence and intact, I found myself studying the packing, the foam and the Tyvek ®  very, very carefully and thinking, ‘I could have nested that. Easy as…’

 

#45 Meander along Sydney Writers Walk

Did you know that Sydney has a dedicated Writers Walk?

It displays a series of over forty-five plaques containing a snatch of an author’s thoughts about the Australian land and its people together with a brief bio of the writer.

Despite having visited the site of the Walk (it sweeps around Circular Quay from the Opera House to beyond the Museum of Contemporary Art) at least – oh – maybe two or three times a year for the past twenty-five years and despite having, in all likelihood, walked by several of the plaques on each occasion, it’s completely passed me by. And I suspect nearly everyone who’s visited Sydney has walked this walk, but most of us have never seen it.

How embarrassing.

Truth be told, my pedantic writer’s streak is a little uncomfortable with the missing apostrophe in the large bronze tablet announcing Writers Walk because you couldn’t possibly interpret it to mean that ‘writers walk’. They don’t. They’re much too busy scribbling away in their attic, all alone, hunched over a manuscript.

But despite my misgivings about a monument that’s dedicated to writers and yet contains a punctuation error, once the site was drawn to my attention, a visit was essential.

#44 Meander along Sydney Writers Walk

If I were to post an image of every one of these neglected bronze gems, it would overwhelm this blog entry, so allow me to present a small sample of the witty, the poignant, the prescient or the just plain irreverent comments made by so many great writers who have visited our country or were born here.

Just for fun, I’ve added a modern Australian visual match.

1. David Williamsonwilliamson

screen-shot-2016-09-24-at-3-50-58-pmanzac-bridge…though he forgot to mention the obsession with food,too

2. C.E.W.Beancew-bean

screen-shot-2016-09-24-at-3-50-58-pm

screen-shot-2016-09-24-at-2-55-01-pm

…tho’ it seems that ‘the whole people’s’ representatives aren’t trying too hard to work it out .

3. Ethel Turner

screen-shot-2016-09-24-at-3-58-17-pmscreen-shot-2016-09-24-at-3-50-58-pm

img_2425-1

Hey, who’d wear a bike helmet when there’s no-one around?

4. C.J.Dennis

screen-shot-2016-09-24-at-4-04-14-pmscreen-shot-2016-09-24-at-3-50-58-pm

img_1404

…still knocks you endways

5. Charles Darwin

screen-shot-2016-09-24-at-4-11-08-pmscreen-shot-2016-09-24-at-3-50-58-pmscreen-shot-2016-09-24-at-5-02-11-pm

…reflections of the old and the new grandeur

6. Rudyard Kipling

screen-shot-2016-09-24-at-5-20-24-pm

screen-shot-2016-09-24-at-3-50-58-pm

screen-shot-2016-09-24-at-5-17-51-pm

We’ll do wonderful things…some day 

7. Barry Humphries

screen-shot-2016-09-24-at-5-23-45-pmscreen-shot-2016-09-24-at-3-50-58-pm

screen-shot-2016-09-24-at-5-25-33-pm

…feels like home to me

So now you’re possibly asking, ‘How have I missed noticing the Writers Walk?’

Well, here’s a clue:

screen-shot-2016-09-23-at-2-11-20-pm

If writers had ball skills instead of verbal skills, would more people notice what’s underfoot?

The plaques are all in-laid  – in the footpath. And shooing away hordes of oblivious tourists to get the perfect photograph of each plaque wasn’t easy!

So now you know where it is, I hope this has given you a tantalising taste of what’s on show at the Sydney Writers Walk.

#44 Correct a Mistake on Wikipedia

It may be of concern to some readers that Wikipedia can, on occasions, make mistakes.

So when I discovered a minor, but troubling error on the popular site recently, I thought it would be interesting to learn how to:

#44 Correct a Mistake on Wikipedia

Growing up in an era when we depended on Encyclopædia Britannica to tell us the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, discovering that a publication with the august letters ‘pedia’ in its name might, now and again, tell us a porky makes for uncomfortable reading.

Perhaps the spelling of the word Wikipedia should have alerted me. It’s missing the all important  ‘æ’. Let’s be honest here, the letters ‘æ’, especially when they run together, proclaim from the rooftops that information in the publication in question has been overseen by pipe-smoking dons from prestigious universities.

Universities that look a little like this:

Sandstone uni

photo: Toby Hudson Wikimedia

Wikipedia, on the other hand, with its missing ‘æ’, admits that it’s written almost exclusively by volunteers.

Volunteers who look more like this:

Wiki volunteers

Photo by Fuzheado at Wikipedia [yes, really]

Being an ex-university lecturer now turned volunteer myself, I understand only too well the stark difference between a salaried, tenured academic who produces meticulous research for peer-reviewed journals, and an unpaid hack wondering ‘when’s morning tea?’

So I’m not blaming Wikipedia at all if a mistake should creep into its pages. I’m just delighted that they allow retirees with not enough to do readers a hassle-free way to correct errors. This perfectly demonstrates The Wisdom of Crowds. Try doing that with Encyclopædia Britannica.

So…

Checking the Wikipedia site for my home town recently, I found a rather surprising mistake.  It’s illustrated by the glowing yellow lines and the pointed red arrows which I’ve only just worked out how to add to a photograph.

Albury pre

You can see there are two problems here:

Top arrow: If Albury were only 462 kilometres from Sydney, couldn’t we drive there in under 5 hours? Who’s ever made the interminable trip to Sydney that quickly?

Bottom arrow: But then they tell us Albury is 554 km from Sydney. Huh?

Sorry, a factual mistake is one thing. A factual mistake PLUS an internal inconsistency is another altogether. One of these just has to go…

So with the help of a little button on the Wiki page called ‘edit’ I could do just that:

Albury post 3

Voilà!  All fixed!

I am now officially a Wikipedian, the name given to those who work on Wikipedia.

Or, as I prefer, a Wikipedant.