Author Archives: outsidethesquare101

#28 Be a Judge at an International Horse Trials Event

Thank goodness for friends. Because without one particular, close friend I would never have been asked to volunteer for my latest outsidethesquare experience:

#28 Be a Judge at an International Horse Trials Event

The truth is, although I had a few riding lessons as a child, I know little about horses and even less about eventing, dressage, cross-country jumping (have I got that right?) and other horse-related topics.

Fortunately, when you volunteer to help out at International Horse Trials, (and doesn’t that sound important?) lack of knowledge doesn’t matter a whit. As long as you’re prepared to sit by the finish line for a few hours and pencil-in the times called out to you by a fellow adventurer with a stopwatch, you can still pretend to be a ‘judge’.

If only I needed a CV these days, this latest experience might just clinch me a job.

And so it was that I found myself seated right here, pencil and paper at the ready, eager for horses and riders to brave the final jump of their cross-country round at the Albury Wodonga International Horse Trials over Easter this year.

I cannot write with any authority on the calibre of the horses, even though they looked magnificent to me:

Nor can I comment on the skills of the riders, even though their courage in facing solid jumps almost as tall as I am took my breath away.

There were the nail-biting moments:

Will she…?

Of course she will!

And horses with riders who seemed to fly over the barriers:

There were other fun moments, too, like riding an old jalopy around the course…

…handing out tea, coffee and biscuits to the real judges and watching their faces light up with thanks.

And who could refuse the chance to get their hands on a real walkie-talkie and use words like ‘Roger’ and ‘Over’?

When you help out at events like these, you realise the massive amount of work that goes into making them run so seamlessly. What a brilliant organising committee the Albury Wodonga Equestrian Centre has.

I can’t wait for next year.

I wonder if they need people with proven pencilling skills to judge the dressage…?

#27 Find Clever Designs (that Really Work)

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I’m a sucker for clever designs, and finding an item based on a brilliant idea that also functions perfectly is very satisfying.

Many’s the time I’ve acquired some gadget that looked terribly clever in the shop but let me down badly at home. (I’m looking at you, glorious, streamlined, minimalist garlic press that’s hard to use and gives me much-too-big chunks of garlic)

…looks will only get you so far in life

So despite the occasional disappointment, finding perfect designs is worth the search and deserves an entry in the ‘101 Fun and Frivolous Activities in Retirement’ hall of fame:

#27 Find Clever Designs (that Really Work)

But while the garlic ‘press’ (garlic ‘thump’ more like) may have been a little disappointing, my Le Creuset® Butter Crock for keeping butter cool yet spreadable in summer has been a great hit:

Just pack the cup-shaped container with softened butter and invert it into the corresponding jar which stores a small amount of cool salted water in its base. Insect-proof, attractive enough for the table and the butter stays perfectly spreadable when stored on the bench. I give it five stars for design and function.

In an earlier blog – #3 Cook a New Recipe Weekly – I mentioned finding a cushion that unzipped to become a quilt (known as a quillow). Three years have passed since this discovery and my quillows are just as clever and useful as ever, so they deserve another plug:

<—- from this, to this —->

In a similar vein, I have a small, flat very lightweight bag that I carry tucked away in my handbag

that unfurls into a generous-sized silk carry-bag when needed:

…and for the nerds among us, folding these two designs back into their original state is as good as doing a jigsaw puzzle

Ever had the frustration of finding that a necklace you want to wear is not quite the right length for the outfit? Well, take a look at this:

Necklace hangs low, or…

with a slight adjustment, necklace hangs high…

and all because of this devious little ball with firmly fitting cords that lets you adjust to any length. Very clever!

Wandering through the Reject Shop® recently I came across a set of 6 small wire squares that could be quickly linked together with vertical wire posts. It looked too clever to be left in the store, although I wondered if this impulse buy would ultimately be a disappointment. Not a bit of it. I went back for two more sets.

Here’s what can be done with light, simple fencing around the garden:

…or…

And that’s just the beginning. With the eighteen panels I now have, it’s like my very own Meccano set!

Larger items that fold away discreetly are another design delight. I’m thinking of the fold up Robinhood Deluxe Ironing Board® a friend has just bought that disappears so effortlessly onto a wall:

Or the Ulisse Fold Away bed I’m working on my sister to choose when she eventually does her renovations:

So much more subtle than a fold out-couch

But the ultimate in a Clever Design that Really Works has to be my Moha Crack-it Egg Cracker, which, with a lift and sharp drop of its vertical bar gives the cleanest beheading of the shell of a soft-boiled egg you could imagine.

Let the pictures tell the story:

Frivolous?

Possibly, but you’ve got to marvel at the design!

#26 Explore Your City like a Newcomer

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A young friend of mine has recently moved to Milan for love – and possibly work – so is blogging about her experiences at The Impoverished Hedonist.

She’s finding the experience challenging, because the Italian city’s not the easiest place in the world to be seriously impecunious while seeking out pleasure and barely speaking the language. In addition, if the population of a city doesn’t appear to put a premium on civic pride it can be difficult for the newcomer to see beyond the superficial squalor.

But my friend’s adjusting well to the challenge by seeking out the very best, sometimes hidden, gems of Milan and its surrounds rather than dwelling on any downsides.

So thank you, D (you know who you are) for inspiring this blog entry:

#26 Explore Your City Like a Newcomer

There can be so much to like about your own city, if you just remember to look.

My place is Albury on the New South Wales/Victorian border, which has a mighty river only a minute from the centre of town:

Thanks to the wonderful River Deck Cafe at Noreuil Park for this image

And I was particularly interested to explore our newest addition, a walking/bike-riding trail that meanders along the Murray River and is dotted with the most amazing Indigenous sculptures along its length called the Yindyamarra Sculpture Walk.

The sculptures speak for themselves, nestled in the superb bushland beside the lagoons and the river:

Reconciliation Shield by Tamara Murray

***

Creature Seats: Goanna: Liam Campbell, Turtle: Sara Jackson-Edwards, Snake: Raymond Jackson–Edwards and Goanna: Jaidyn Hampton

***

‘Googar’ Goanna Sculpture by Darren Wighton

***

Wiradjuri Woman by Leonie McIntosh

***

The views between sculptures…

***

Vertical Message Sticks by Girralang (Carmel Taylor)

***

Bogong Moth Migration by Ruth Davys

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‘Maya’ Fish Trap Sculpture by Uncle Ken (Tunny) Murray, Darren Wighton and Andom Rendell

***

It must be somewhere! How can I not find it?

***

The Bigger Picture by Katrina Weston

or for a completely different perspective:

The Bigger Picture by Katrina Weston

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by The Wagirra Crew – working on the trail

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Teaming Life of Milawa Billa (Murray River) by Yindyamarra Sculpture Walk Steering Committee

***

Goanna by Kianna Edwards

Despite my missing sculpture (somewhere between the ‘Maya’ Fish Trap and The Bigger Picture) the Yindyamarra Sculpture Walk is such a delight that even this not-very-fit novice bushwalker was entranced along its length. And of course, it’s a smorgasbord for keen bird watchers.

The whippet and I even had a close encounter with a snake, who slithered away in horror faster than we did.

We would loved to have glimpsed a mammal but you can’t have it all. And we did spot something moving past us so fast it seemed to be fleeing for its life. Just a whir and a blur and a flash of colour. Possibly a mamil…

Massive accolades to Albury City Council and the Indigenous artists and community for creating this hidden gem.

The trail deserves to be hugely popular.

***

STOP PRESS

The mystery of the ‘missing’ sculpture has been solved. Although there are twelve red dots on the map marking the site of each sculpture, I could only find eleven.

But here’s an excerpt from the Council’s newsletter:

Eleven, not twelve sculptures…

#25 A Journey ‘From Source to Sauce’

#24 ‘Stand Up and Cheer’ at a Book Launch

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Writers penning opinion pieces for highly reputable sites – like The Times or The Conversation – will often have a disclaimer after their by-line. Something along the lines of: ‘Thomas Fotherington-Smythe does not work for, consult to, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has no relevant affiliations.’

So in the spirit of full disclosure, I must declare an interest in my next fun and frivolous activity:

#24 ‘Stand Up and Cheer’ at a Book Launch

The truth is, I have familial ties to the author of the book in question. I even did a spot of editing during the early drafts. So,

I did work for –

I did consult with –

And I do have affiliations with –

the author, so am duty-bound to declare my interest, even though the cheque must still be in the mail…

Naturally, it was exciting to help organise its special regional launch recently at the Albury LibraryMuseum, and as you can see, I even made matching bookmarks to accompany the gorgeous art-deco design of the book.

Did I mention that the book’s title is Stand Up and Cheer?

And I’m proud to declare, with a possible hint of bias, that it’s a thrilling children’s novel based on a true gem of Australian history that we should all celebrate, namely the rescue, by the people of Albury, of the Dutch DC-2 plane, the Uiver lost in a fierce thunderstorm over the Riverina during the Great Centenary Air Race from London to Melbourne on the night of 23rd October 1934.

A Douglas DC-2, at the Albury Aerodrome during the Open Day in October 2014. Although not the original Uiver, it’s one of only a handful of surviving DC-2 planes in the world.

Written for 8 to 12-year-olds, and enjoyed by everyone who loves an exciting and true aviation story*, Stand Up and Cheer is set in Albury at the height of the Great Depression and tells the story of the Uiver’s rescue through the eyes of the 10-year-old hero, Jack, the son of the local ABC radio announcer who plays a pivotal role in organising the townsfolk help the plane find a safe place to land.

Of course, helping organise a book launch isn’t the only fun and frivolous entertainment to be had around books.

A friend of mine was visiting her family recently in the Northumberland region of the UK when she noticed that Tim Winton, Australia’s highly decorated author, was reading from his latest book, Eyrie, at a small pub nearby. Not knowing how these events work, and concerned that she may be asked questions if she attended, she dutifully read the novel beforehand.

Now apparently, Tim Winton isn’t quite as well known in the north of England as he is here, so only a small group of people turned up to listen to him read in a cosy, intimate setting. And my friend was the only one to have read his latest book and have thoughtful, relevant questions in mind.

So that’s how she came to spend a marvellous evening chatting one-on-one with the charming Tim Winton on a cold night in the north of England.

See how fun and frivolous activities can often lead to so much more?

* The Australian adventurer, Dick Smith wrote: ‘I stated reading Stand Up and Cheer and couldn’t put it down – it’s such an exciting aviation and adventure tale. I think everyone will want to read it.’

#23 Plan the Perfect Celebration

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Although it’s some years until my next major birthday, a recent spate of friends celebrating birthdays-that-end-in-a-zero set me thinking: what’s the best way to organise festivities so that everyone has a marvellous time?

And so to my next activity:

#23 Plan the Perfect Celebration

Many years ago, when it was fashionable, I threw a fancy dress party for a ‘zero-ending’ birthday (honestly, it was fashionable once) and although it seemed to go well and everyone followed the brief, arriving dressed as their alter egos –

and yes, there was a healthy smattering of bikers, good time girls and men in drag – I was aware that the fancy dress theme didn’t appeal to everyone.

This is completely understandable.

Take regular parties. Some people don’t find standing for hours, holding a drink all that …comfortable.

Image: Wikimedia commons

It took the Romans to understand the importance of relaxed, stylish seating

And studies of the frisky little octodon degus, a small rodent who lives a life spookily like humans, and whose circadian activities have therefore been closely followed, tell us that we can be divided into 3 activity groups: morning ‘larks’, the 10% who are up early and ready to roll, but fade quickly; the night ‘owls’, the 20% who like to sleep late and party late; and of course, the ever popular ‘hummingbirds’ as they’re called, that lucky 70% who can rise early if necessary and party late.

Image: Wikimedia commons

Fear not. Fewer than 90% of these little critters will keep you up with their late night shenanigans…

So my question is: how do you accommodate lark-like friends for whom the idea of an evening celebration is enough to force them to concoct a really bad excuse, even if their spirit is willing to celebrate?

And what about other personality types like introverts, for whom the mention of the word ‘party’ with its spectre of a room full of strangers all carousing happily and noisily, is as appealing as the idea of being water boarded?

Could not all these problems and more be solved by providing a mixture of variety and choice when planning celebrations? I’m surprised no one’s done this before.

So when my next big event comes around, I’ve decided to celebrate it in a number of ways, just to accommodate all the personality types of my friends.

I’ll send a list of options to everyone, and let each person decide how they’d best like to celebrate with me. And if this involves three or four separate fun-filled events, well, so be it.

So far, I’ve come up with a number of possibilities that I hope will cover most tastes:

A sumptuous breakfast … with a view:

Of course, I mean a view of the top not from the top of somewhere like Mt Taranaki

A leisurely YumCha in Chinatown:

Image:: Wikimedia commons

A lunch degustation at a very fine city restaurant:

…and they don’t come much finer than Tetsuya’s

Champagne and canapés in the late afternoon followed by a fabulous film:

Or perhaps a Gatsby-style party, where the hostess mysteriously disappears at 8pm… but nobody notices.

I can’t wait…

#22 ‘Attend’ a Webinar

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Here’s a question to ponder: if you don’t have to leave home, can you be said to have attended an event?

I considered this as I logged into my latest frivolous activity,

#22 ‘Attend’ a Webinar

before deciding that placing inverted commas around the word should cover all possibilities.

Some of you may be wondering what this newly concocted word ‘webinar’ actually means.

Think seminar for introverts. A place where you can learn about an interesting topic in real time, ask questions and make statements, but where you remain out of sight and out of earshot of the presenter, comfortably ensconced at home watching it live on your computer. A seminar where you have all the power.

There are several advantages to registering for a webinar rather than a seminar:

you can attend in your pyjamas
you can eat and drink during the presentation
you can check your emails, take a phone call or update your twitter feed, should you have one…
you can take a short nap
you can make loud comments with no one telling you to shush
You can type in questions or comments so the presenter knows you’re still there and might even mention you by name, and
you can leave if it all gets too boring.

What’s not to love?

With the experience of ‘attending’ at least four webinars under my belt, I can now postulate they can roughly be divided into four categories:

The Hard Sell
Serious and worthy
Helpful and earnest
Fun and frivolous

The first category should probably be avoided, unless you really want to commit to an outlay of $298.99 per month for 6 months to buy something that will probably never work for you like it works for the persuasive salesperson running the webinar.

…love the selfless afterthought…

One of my earliest webinars was with the Tax Office, learning how to be a good trustee. A very serious, very worthy, if somewhat dull topic but surprisingly well done and helpful, if you need to know how to be a good trustee.

Then I tried one on ‘How to Sleep Well’, but as the speaker still hadn’t joined the webinar 20 minutes after the advertised start time, I surmised she’d overslept. I left feeling a little jealous and with no helpful or earnest advice about sleeping.

But the prince of webinars was the one where I was taught the ins and outs of using Twitter. I use the term ‘I’ literally, as it turned out that I was the only attendee.

Mr Twitter was ever-so-helpful and answered all my typed questions and responded to all my comments, which are easy to submit:

But after about 20 minutes of the scheduled 60 minute webinar, this ominous message suddenly appeared on my screen and contact dropped out:

Uh oh.

So much for thinking I had all the power.

Looks like it had all got too boring for Mr Twitter…

#21 Rediscover the Elegance of Fountain Pens

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Rites of passage can create powerful memories, and to this day, I remember the thrill of graduating from pencils to pens in Grade 3. The day we were finally allowed to use the ink well sunk into the top right hand corner of the desk, and then practice our running writing was special indeed.

Image courtesy of Wikimedia commons

Ink stains on fingers meant you were up there with the big girls. A sign of sophistication much like nicotine stains were for adults in the sixties.

These memories returned recently when a friend sent me a beautifully hand-written thank you note through the post. When I acknowledged it, she promptly apologised for not having used a real pen.

Ah, yes, a real pen. The time has come to:

…and that is how I imagine my handwriting will look when I take up a fountain pen again…

I had an opportunity to send the same friend a short thank-you note a few weeks later, so I couldn’t resist resurrecting an old fountain pen from the deepest recesses of my desk drawer, discarded there in the eighties when I thoughtlessly moved to disposable biros. All it needed, I thought, was an injection of fresh ink.

And so I was able to send her a letter that looked something like this:

So I began to think that surely, in this day and age, fountain pens work better than this. Surely they’ve found a way for them to be scratch-free and blotch-free and ink-stains-on-fingers-free.

And so it was that a quick Google search led me into a strange new, parallel world of fountain pen aficionados. Or eccentrics, if you prefer.

Did you know that it’s possible to buy a pen with a solid gold nib? And just look at the varieties out there these days:

And all I had to do was type ‘Best Fountain Pens’ to find this gem of a site with its exquisite nibs.

So the future is clear. I want a pen with a name like Montblanc or Parker or Waterman, and I definitely want a gorgeous nib.

But most of all, I want my one-hundred-and-first blog entry to be titled:

#20 Have an Outback Experience

#19 Challenge Accepted Beliefs

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In the early 2000s when MythBusters first went to air, I rarely missed an episode. That there was a television show dedicated to ‘scientifically’ dispelling myths hit the spot for me.

It was created by an Australian producer – Peter Rees – which made it even more intriguing. (This was back in the day when Australia had a Science Minister, and evidence-based theories weren’t considered heretical).

Lately, though, the program seems to have involved blowing things up, and while I can understand that this would be terrifically appealing to some viewers, I’m not in the correct demographic any more.

But that doesn’t mean I can’t create my own MythBusters, it’s just that mine will be writ small.

#19 Challenge Accepted Beliefs

Recently there was a great article in the Fairfax press titled ‘Myth-conceptions’ where the author Larissa Dubeki, sought to ‘debunk’ – or not – a number of popular kitchen myths.

The first related to that important issue of Milk in Tea.

Milk in first (MIF)? Or milk in last (MIL)? Was MIF really better? Is there a discernible difference in taste, as a friend of mine attests?

She swears she can pick at twenty paces the cup where milk’s been incorrectly added after the tea is poured. So I decided to test this hypothesis.

Marking the bottom of the MIF cup with an ‘M’, I proceeded to pour two identical cups of tea, one MIF and the other MIL. After they were switched around a few times, could I tell them apart?

Spot the difference.

The short answer is … no, I couldn’t.

But according to Britain’s Royal Society of Chemistry, (yes, sob, Britain has one of these) MIF creates a smoother, richer cup whereas MIL makes a cup that’s more tannic. It’s all to do with the breakdown of the milk proteins and whether they’ve been gently diluted by the tea, or been plunged into a big wall of it.

So my friend is right. Of course, it could mean that, like 25% of the population, she’s what’s known as a ‘Supertaster‘ and has a palate that’s more finely attuned to certain bitter tastes. I’m planning to experiment on her taste buds to further my scientific project, but that will be a tale for another day.

So then I turned my attention to another Accepted Belief:

‘Don’t Count your Chickens Before They’re Hatched’

Luckily, I could go right to the source to test this one. One of my lovely Light Sussex hens

Exhibit One

went irreversibly broody a few months ago, so I bought some fertilised eggs for her to hatch.

I didn’t really need any more chickens, but I thought it would be in keeping with my fun and frivolous retirement activities.

Imagine my disquiet when I picked up the eggs to discover that the seller had added a bonus three to the minimum dozen I had to take.

Fifteen little chicks, I counted. What was I going to do with fifteen extra mouths to feed on my small suburban block? And based on the law of probability, seven or eight would be roosters. What would the neighbours say?

15 (+1) eggs is ridiculous, but I couldn’t bring myself to destroy any…

So I spent the next 21 days (this species is very precise with its hatching timetable) fretting about such a huge number of chickens taking over my garden and my life, and began offering them to unwilling friends.

On Day 21, this was the sum total of hatchlings to emerge:

And it’s a 50:50 split. Dixie chick is on the left and Rex the rooster is on the right.

So it seems that you can count your chickens before they hatch – but just don’t expect accuracy.

Then there’s the popular saying ‘You Can’t Teach an Old Dog New Tricks.’ Does this really stack up?

I could test this one easily too, thanks to my old dog Ziggy. He’s a whippet who’s pretty good at catching a frisbee, but very bad at dropping it back at my feet.

He’s very bad in other ways, too, like stealing food by counter-surfing:

and subtly threatening me to get what he wants:

Would I dare refuse?

So, to be honest, I didn’t hold out much hope of retraining him:

Ziggy keeps his frisbee

But several training sessions later, we finally arrived at this position:

By George, he’s got it. Sort of …

So maybe that old adage is a bit of a furphy.

Come to think of it, a week ago, I didn’t know it was essential to hold an i-phone horizontally while videoing (it’s something to do with the 16:9 ratio of screens), nor had I ever uploaded a video I’d shot to YouTube. I didn’t know how to take a screenshot of the video, nor did I understand the importance of setting it to public viewing rather than private before posting it into a blog entry.

Hey. It looks like you really can teach an old dog new tricks.