Enid Blyton must take some responsibility.
The idea that you can spend years entertaining children with exciting tales about other children solving mysteries (The Famous Five, The Secret Seven, The Five Find-Outers & Dog) without it having repercussions in their later life is fanciful. Without a doubt, it’s the reason I’ve always had a deep seated urge to solve mysteries. And this need continues well into retirement.
#63 Investigate a Mystery
It began back in mid January when my sister bought me a birthday present online to be sent directly to my post office box. But when my birthday came and went and I hadn’t thanked her, she realised the item had gone missing, and so began the investigation initially known as The Mystery of the Missing Parcel.
No problems. A copy of the original Australia Post receipt, showing its tracking number, should set things right:
But when we checked on the Australia Post website, the parcel appeared to have been delivered to my local post office two weeks earlier, just a few days after it had been sent.
A trip to the post office will sort this out, we thought naively. The gift will be there, sitting on a bench waiting to be collected. It did seem odd, though, that they hadn’t placed a ‘parcel awaiting collection’ card into my PO Box.
‘No,’ they told me. ‘We don’t have the item here. It’s already been picked up.’
Not by me it hasn’t. Who signed for it?
They shrugged. No one has to sign to pick up parcels any more nor show any ID. Even when the parcel’s been registered and the sender took out extra insurance. Naturally, I made a fuss. It was my birthday present after all. They finally offered to look at the CCTV footage taken of the Post Office collection hatch at the exact time the parcel had been collected – ‘11.28am Mon 22 Jan’ – to see who’d picked it up.
And this is where the story takes a darker turn. An unidentified man was seen on CCTV taking possession of an identical box to the one I was awaiting at exactly that time. This was no longer a simple mystery, this had turned into a crime.
The birthday present, it turned out, was a box housing four bottles of Vino Cotto, an elixir so delicious that, well, it just had to be found or someone would have to pay. My sister had recently discovered that this little gem was being made to the original Italian recipe right here in Australia.
Its literal translation is ‘cooked wine’ but it’s so much more than that. Making vino cotto involves the long, slow reduction of grape ‘must’, the juice of a particular variety of grape, with the addition of ash from the burnt grape vine. The resulting rich, exotic syrup is then stored for months before being brought out for special occasions.
When I was a child, my grandmother would slave over its production so that every Easter it could be retrieved from storage and served drizzled over Crostoli as the entire family – parents, aunts, uncles and cousins, scrambled for the last drop of this liquid gold. Making it was so laborious, so complicated that we all knew we’d not see it again for another year.
That did it. No strange man was going to get away with my birthday bottles of vino cotto, so I swung into investigative mode and set up my white board.
I’ve concluded my investigations now and have decided the most likely sequence of events is as follows:
- The box arrives at the post office on 22 January
- The staff place a ‘parcel to collect’ notice in the wrong PO Box. Exhibit A shows a photo of PO boxes in close proximity to mine. Exhibit B (taken peeping through a slatted grille) shows the boxes snapped from the reverse angle. Quite a jumbled mess, suggesting it would be simple for the ‘notice to collect’ to be placed in the wrong box
- An unidentified man, probably with a PO Box close to mine, takes this incorrectly placed notice from his PO Box into the collection hatch and is given the parcel, no questions asked. It doesn’t worry him that he’s not expecting a birthday present and that it isn’t addressed to him either
- Aforementioned unidentified man then takes the parcel home, opens it without any concern that his name is not on the label and that it isn’t his birthday, sees the word ‘Vino’ on the bottles and thinks all his Christmases have come at once.
The Post Office hasn’t taken kindly to my suggestion that they place a WANTED poster sporting the unidentified man’s image on every billboard around town, so I have little hope of discovering his identity.
But a couple of things cheer me up. Australia Post has finally refunded us for the value of the goods so I’m expecting more bottles of vino cotto to arrive any day now.
And best of all, unidentified man wouldn’t have had a flood of lovely childhood memories as he indulged in my vino cotto and I trust he was bitterly disappointed to discover that, despite being utterly delicious and addictive, it contains no alcohol whatsoever.
My culprit may remain elusive, but three bottles of vino cotto PLUS a jar of marinated wild baby figs in vino cotto arrived at my door (thank you to Angela from Il Baronello) in time for Easter. Just drizzle over fresh Crostoli.
What a fantastic slewth you are and what a wonderful detective story!!
BTW I have never been able to pick up a parcel at the PO without ID!
Neither have I, Jude.
Standards drop and this is what happens!
If I used Facebook and Twitter as other people seem to (i.e. knew how to use it properly even though I don’t WANT to know how to!!!!) I’d put this story out on both and catch THE THIEF! WHAT CHEEK! And I am FULL of admiration for you in your success at grinding down Aust Post to do their legal and moral duty and reimburse you. Also, at MY PO, I ALWAYS have to show ID when I have notification to pick up a parcel!!! Are the Managers/Directors/chiefs of your PO derelict in their duty?? Sloppy?? Lazy?? Making excuses because they know they have aided or caused a crime?? Hmmmmmmm! Thank you too, for introducing me to something I must try if I find some in Melbourne over Easter! xx
Actually, on second thoughts…it probably wouldn’t be a good idea to use the internet /social media to catch a thief…goodness knows how it might backfire!
The devious ideas I’ve had to catch my thief would fill a book, Kate.
Meanwhile, the PO only reimburses the party who sent the missing parcel, ie the business who makes the Vino Cotto. And they’ve lost nothing as they’ve already been paid by my sister! So … fingers crossed when THEY get reimbursed, they’ll send me another 📦
I think it was an elderly emigre of Italian German descent sending his dim and light fingered grandson out on a shopping errand. Dreaming of putting the delicious vino cotta on his crosti he would have said “IT MUST BE STOLLEN”. Instead of a shopping for fermented must the naughty Ozzie youth has taken the shopping list as an order and somehow tracked down your parcel.
Perhaps you could post a cryptic and anonymous letter to all the surrounding PO boxes saying “Please find the accompanying ‘special’ vino cotta. Handle with great care. Remember that this batch contains radioactive polonium for Russian traitors only and will take lethal effect after six months”. At least they will have a miserable time for a while.
Bravo! 👏 Why didn’t I think of the Italian-German connection? (Although stollen is not a patch on crostoli – just sayin’)
And I’ve also been plotting dastardly revenge for the perpetrator …
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